playswithfire

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Up Waaaaaay Too Late

I’m sitting here suffering yet again from a damned impressive case of insomnia. There’s something about trying to go to sleep where I just can’t seem to turn my mind off and get it to slow down. Ideas and questions keep kicking around like they’re some superheated particles inside my head. At some point I’ve got to do something about it, but right now I’m just trying to write to get some of it out.

I think part of it is that I don’t feel like I deal with choices well, especially when I feel like the ‘c’ should be capitalized. Choices. Big ones. When I think about what I’m doing here, I realize that I really enjoy it. I have a great time programming here at Apple, and it’s everything I expected it to be: stimulating, challenging, and a fantastic learning experience. So why is it I sit here twitching about the fact that I feel like I should be doing something else? And if I should be doing something else, just what is it that I think I should be doing?

Then again, I’m probably asking the wrong question. The right question really is more like “What is it that I most want to do?”

When I’m out skiing or playing golf, I tell myself that the worst day I have doing that is better than my best day at work. What if I could make my work that enjoyable? I’m certainly having fun now, even if this job is a lot of hard work, but what is it that’s really satisfying to me? What’s going to make me want to get out of bed and really attack the day?

I’ve got a few ideas kicking around, but I’m going to have to figure it out later - I’m starting to drop off, finally.